he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
