Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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