I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
