I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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