So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
