On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
