Define "chronic" masturbator.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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