you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
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Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
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I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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