we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
did i just pee glitter
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
