Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
