How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
