you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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