life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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