so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
