You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
