So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
