I think my vagina is haunted
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
