TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
