btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i dont even know how to be here
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
