So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
