never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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