i think i have two assholes
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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