just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
