dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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