So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
