Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
His nipple licking is glorious
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