Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive