your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes