I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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