If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
