Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
