so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
