I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
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Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
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I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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