Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
