I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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