hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
