Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
