just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Need sex. Gaining weight.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
