went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
