can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
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He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
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ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?