Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
