I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
