You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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