i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
