Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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