His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
