I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
