Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
