even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
