i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
