you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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