did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
