I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I didn't notice because vodka
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize