took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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