So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i drank out of a bidet.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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