I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
