so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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