So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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