If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
bring money and cleavage
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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