did you get engaged???
no, he came in my armpit
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
