shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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